Emotional Week

What a week!! On Tuesday I had a job interview and spent a little time with a good friend.  I really thought I bombed the interview and had no chance of getting the job. (there were 100 applicants!)  I spent the rest of the day watching That 70’s Show on Netflix with Jacob.

Wednesday was Steve’s 45th birthday so I ran around getting things ready and we even managed to get a surprise cake from Dairy Queen!!

Thursday morning I got a call from my mom saying my Granny had passed away. Granny was 96 years old and she lived every one of those years to the fullest.  She was still working FULL time at 89 years old!  The last year has been tough she has had some major illnesses and I know she is no longer suffering, but wow!!  Then about 10 minutes later I got a call from Scholastic Academy letting me know that I GOT THE JOB!! Talk about YOYO emotions!  I am still torn between grief and joy!

Friday was spent arranging things and me aimlessly wandering around in Hobby Lobby and at the mall because I love Hobby Lobby and I need to buy something to wear to the funeral because I am a size 16 (ouch) and I only have jeans and gym clothes. UGH!!  Steve took me to the Minion Movie to cheer me up(I am obsessed with Minions)

I go Monday to find out the details of my new job and Tuesday we will say goodbye to my Grandmother.  She was a HUGE part of my life growing up.  She taught me to drive and tried to teach me to sew. When I would sleep over at her house she would sing me to sleep, something about Winkin, blinkin, and Nod.  We would get up way too early and drink “coffee” (a cup of milk with a splash of coffee) She made every formal I have ever worn, including my wedding dress.  I will miss her, but I will see her again.

Granny, My dad, & My uncle She made every formal 

Grateful for the time

At the end of May I found myself on summer break from Substitute teaching and out of the job that I loved, somewhat abruptly, and I was very unhappy about that.  Thankfully I had the Teen pagent to distract me the first week, but after that, I sank deeper and deeper into unhappiness and dispair (wow what a dramatic phrase!)  I was depressed, barley left my house binge watching Netflix.  (I did discover Downton Abbey.)  I spent this two months job hunting online, doing dishes, and doing “nothing” with my kids and the dog.  Today I woke up and realized that even though it has been and is financially TOUGH, this summer hass been a gift.  A gift of time spent with Jacob, who is not working either.

We have watched countless movies and tv shows, played endless games of Mexican Train and Risk.  We had a Harry Potter marathon and a musical marathon.  We drank massive ammounts of coffee, had many talks, and we have laughed.  Jacob made a slip and slide and I watched my 19 and 17 year olds “play in the sprinkler.”  I am so thankful for this time and looking back I can’t help but wonder if I was totally present in those times.  I have been so consumed with grief over my “lost” job , missing my church kids, and not getting the job I really wanted that I haven’t looked at this time as a gift.  I am going to trust that God has contrtol of the situation.  He will lead me to the job I am meant to have.  I will strive to not worry,  Wish me luck on that!

Heliocopter parenting, graduation, and perspective

I will admit to being a helicopter parent.  I did not realize it at the time, but looking back I was always there ready to swoop in and save the day.  Maybe gave too much help with projects, maybe spent too much time at school, but I just wanted them to have what I did not have.  I made a choice when Jacob was born to stay at home, even though it was very hard and we really needed two incomes.   My mom worked and was never able to come to things or pick me up from school and I wanted my kids to have that.   But looking back, maybe I should have taken a step back sooner and let them fail a few times.  Now they are about to leave the nest and don’t really have the best problem solving skills.  Hind sight is 20/20 as they say.

Last month Jacob Graduated in the top 10, “High Honors, With Distinction”  I was prepared to be tearful and upset that my “sunshine” was moving on.  But I got a healthy dose of perspective at graduation that tempered how I look at things.  Seated two rows in front of me were the parents of a boy who was killed in a car wreck two years ago and across from me I could see the family of a student with terminal bone cancer.  Suddenly, graduation was not a sad thing, not an ending but a beginning.  I did shed tears when my son received his diploma, tears of pride and tears of joy.   I will miss him when he is off at USM, but I know that I will see him and talk to him again.  (Afton Wallace passed away three days after receiving her diploma. RIP #Aftonstrong)

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